NBA Bubble at Disney, Image from Wikipedia
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Before
Waking up, going through a normal day, but having it quickly change at night. It was a few minutes before tip-off. I was at a meeting, preparing to sneak glances at the game on my phone. It was then that that the world began to change, and how odd, that it would change due to an event in my city, a small big city in the middle of the country. But change it did, and change will remain. I remember the shock and frantic texts being sent - a NBA game cancelled? Trump calling to shut the border for international travel?
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After
Waking up, enjoying a "normal" day, but the definition of "normal" would quickly change. It was a few minutes before tip-off. While in a meeting, I was preparing to sneak glances at the game. It was that particular moment when our world began to change, and how odd, that change would come due to an event in my city, a small big city in the middle of the country. But change it did, and changes that may remain. I remember the shock and frantic texts being sent - a NBA game cancelled? Trump calling to shut the border for international travel?
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Note
I enjoyed the revision process, as I wrote the original microfiction pretty quickly, and this gave me a chance to really look at it. I tried to minimize unnecessary words and phrases so I could add more. I mainly focused on the rewriting itself, and tried to reword phrases to make them sound better.
Megan,
ReplyDeleteI really like the changes you made in the first line. It felt a lot more personal. Both in a you were being more personal and it hit me personally. Changing that first line really sealed in the connection with your audience. I'm not a big sports fan, but I remember that day almost almost like I remember 9/11. It wasn't as tragic as 9/11, but your story did an excellent job of conveying the nervousness that was trying to not give way to outright fear that we felt when something as big as an NBA game was cancelled due to the pandemic.
Great job!
-Eden
Hi Megan!
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome. Your writing does a really great job of conveying in great detail the emotions everybody was feeling during this strange time. Nervousness, confusion, tension, anger. I can feel all of these emotions coming through your writing. I am a huge sports fan, so I felt these emotions first-hand, and your writing put how I was feeling perfectly into words. I am looking forward to reading more of your writing during the rest of the semester!